Alzheimer's can change relationships forever. The living family members become strangers, often creating a difficult situation. The person living with Alzheimer's frequently does not know their own children but will continually search for their parents who may have passed. 

Individuals living with Alzheimer's disease may feel their family members are strangers. The lack of recognition frightens the loved one and saddens those caring for them. The person living with Alzheimer's doesn't realize their family is doing everything possible to cope with their loved one's changing life while juggling to maintain relationships with family and friends. 

The loved one's reality becomes so altered that they are often entirely different from who they were before Alzheimer's stole their mind and life.

I learned that you could not expect your loved one to understand reality-based thoughts; it just isn't possible. It's not that they won't try to adapt to what is real; it is impossible to achieve actual reality because their brain is deteriorating. 

No matter how often you try to explain their mom, dad, or another significant person they are missing passed away years ago, their brain cannot comprehend this reality. In these repetitive moments, meeting them in their current reality is vital when they want to see or question where someone may be. Av.oid telling them their loved one has passed; this will only make them grieve like it just occurred. 

It can be helpful to tell what is considered a therapeutic fib. An example of this might be - to distract the individual by saying the person has gone to visit a friend, or perhaps they are at work, or they will be back after helping their friend. The situations are unlimited, but therapeutic fibbing often keeps them from getting upset or angry. The power of diversion can make an escalating crisis reverse itself.

Each scenario can vary by the relationship of the loved one they are missing. You might distract them by: 

• · Asking them to talk about the one they are missing 
• · Viewing old family videos 
• · Showing pictures from times in their youth 
• · Talking about their home life in their younger years
• · You can give them a sensory muff or fidget mat to play with and distract their mind 
• · Take a walk to divert your loved one's thoughts

(You might even hear stories from their childhood you've never heard before that may enhance your understanding of their younger years.)

A distraction often will calm your loved one and keep the situation from escalating. You may need to repeat and vary the therapeutic fibbing to suit your loved one's needs and distract them from fearful thoughts.

If your loved one insists on looking for someone, they fear is missing, taking a car ride to "look" for the missing person may be helpful. During the search, you can help change their mindset. Providing a distraction and using therapeutic fibbing is not a cruel ploy; you are finding a better way to offset their disturbing reality. This technique can diffuse an alarming or panicking time for them. Rather than convince them they are wrong, letting them live in their reality while diverting their thoughts to a more calming state of mind is generally better.

Therapeutic fibbing allows you to meet them in their reality and address their current needs. As time passes, you may need to repeat multiple scenarios because they miss someone important to them and cannot process the idea they may have expired. Mourning their perceived loss is harder on them psychologically than meeting them in their current reality. 

As these difficult situations arise, remember therapeutic fibbing often helps your loved one decrease their emotional stress or anger. The power of diversion can make an escalating crisis reverse itself. You will provide a loving alternative to move their thoughts away from upsetting feelings that can cause emotional pain. This technique allows your loved one and you to have a better day, less emotional stress, and it can keep anger subdued. Living is difficult enough for those with Alzheimer's; by understanding their reality, you can improve the well-being of everyone involved. 

My mom had Alzheimer's disease; I now dedicate myself to helping others along their journey as a tribute to my mother.